Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Green Eyed Monster


To this day I vividly remember reading Othello many years ago, how could anyone ever forget the drama and passion? I can't help but feel guilty when I am jealous of someone (usually a man (CLINT)).  Maybe I should rephrase the part about feeling guilty involving a man (CLINT).  Forget guilty when jealousy strikes, I am past that feeling ... I feel hot, scared, angry, hurt, tearful, pain ...  I feel guilty when I try to make myself not feel guilty and try to fight the feelings.  Involving Clint, he usually knows something is up with me because I am not talking. ;~)  A couple of years ago I felt "hot, scared, angry, hurt, tearful, pain" when Clint had friended a FB request from a past woman "acquaintance".  Here comes the guilt again, I "sneaked" into his FB account and saw he had told her when he responded to her FB friend request that she looked pretty in her profile picture. BTW, I really didn't sneak into his FB account, we know each other's passwords to our email accounts, too. 

About her FB picture being "pretty", he said for her the picture was a darn good one.  Suddenly I was feeling better and honestly, have not given it another thought. Well ... hey, I just did, didn't I!

A big part of our jealousy is the fact we met online as pen pals.  I imagined the FB woman might try to start corresponding with him and lure him away. I know ... insecurity and fear of abandonment.  He has the same feelings about me.  Once again, I know when something is not right and he is quiet.  Several years ago he picked me up from the airport and was quiet. Sure enough, he had looked at my emails and had become upset over an innocent FB message from a guy who grew up in my neighborhood. 

I can remember our dogs and cats being jealous of human attention or should I say inattention.

Last evening as were were talking around our "candle/camp" fire, I was telling Clint when I was a "youngster" in my 20s, I never dreamed jealousy could rear its ugly head in the relationships of "old people" in their 50s and 60s. Gosh, surely at that age you would be past such stuff.  NOT!

I've made light of some of the things I have written here but jealousy is a terrible and powerful emotion and looking back in our cases ... over nothing.  The truth is, here we are hurling through our twilight years and drawing our ever fleeting breath to trouble ourselves in such a manner.  {:~(

"Jealousy and Flirtation" by Haynes King (1831-1904)

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